yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
