She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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