I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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