Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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