Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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