She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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