I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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