I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
