its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
