omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
