Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
