we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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