I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
