but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
