Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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