I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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