I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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