3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
