Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize