I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Randomize
