Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
