I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
