She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
