if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize