I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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