Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
this is an emotional support booty call
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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