Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
