Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
