...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
