You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
