Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
