either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize