I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
