This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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