Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
