I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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