I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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