I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
