we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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