I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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