Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
