my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
