Sober January is a disaster.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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