You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
