He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
