He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
