Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
