no, he came in my armpit
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have post one night stand depression
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