I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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