come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize