he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
