brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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