I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
