She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
