Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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