Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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