I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
