my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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