plz talk dirty to me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
