I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
