I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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