i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
