My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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