Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
