if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
