Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
